Hilarious Misconceptions about New Zealand

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Over the years I’ve heard some pretty funny things about New Zealand. A worrying amount of these things were said in all seriousness. By adults.

The following list of Common Misconceptions about New Zealand comes from www.not-australia.co.nz. If you’ve got anything to add to it, leave a comment below.

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NEW ZEALAND MISCONCEPTION #1: NEW ZEALAND IS PART OF AUSTRALIA

Of all the misconceptions about New Zealand, this is the most common. Australia and New Zealand are, in fact, two completely separate countries. Saying that New Zealand is part of Australia is like saying that Canada is part of the United States of America. It’s just wrong. Not to mention New Zealanders get rather tetchy about it.

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NEW ZEALAND MISCONCEPTION #2: AUCKLAND HAS A “HARBOUR BRIDGE” THAT LINKS IT TO SYDNEY

As stated above, New Zealand and Australia are separate countries. How separate? Two thousand effing kilometres of effing salt…

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Having a (Jane Austen) Ball in Hamilton

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that man dressed in Regency clothing is sure to make a woman swoon.

Well it works for me anyhow.

Jane Austen Regency Costume Ball 2This is one of the reasons I was so excited about attending Dance Folkus’ Jane Austen Ball last weekend, which took place in Matangi Hall in Hamilton. (See – things do happen in Hamilton!) Seeing my boyfriend dressed in the manner of Mr Darcy was, for me, a dream come true. By the end of the evening I was almost literally swooning, though this had more to do with the tightness of my own costume than the effect of his!

Jane Austen Regency Ball Costume 3The ball itself was wonderful. A $30 ticket got you an afternoon of Regency dance lessons, a beautifully decorated hall, a Regency band, a light supper and drinks all evening. Everyone was dressed up and, though many of us often forgot the dance steps, great…

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A New Zealander’s View of Britain

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Can’t believe it’s been two years since I was last in Europe. So much has changed since then.

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Hello, everyone! I just got back from my Grand Tour of Europe, so I’ve finally got time to write some new posts.

As you may know, I spent the last three months travelling with my Kiwi boyfriend, starting in my native Britain. In the last post I wrote before leaving New Zealand, (Back to Blighty, or Poms Away Up Top,) I said I was nervous about returning to England. Basically, I was worried that my boyfriend, spoiled by growing up amongst New Zealand’s spectacular nature, would think that my home was a bit rubbish.

Telephone Box Liverpool

Well I’m glad to say he didn’t.

I actually had a great time seeing Britain through the eyes of a New Zealander, so let’s invert the usual format.

Instead of a British immigrant’s view of New Zealand, let’s investigate a New Zealander’s view of Britain.

So here, in no particular order, are some…

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Is New Zealand Backward?

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One thing you always used to hear about New Zealand was how backward it was. Behind the times.

“It’s like how England was in the 1970s,” people would say.

This, apparently, was a good thing. New Zealand was a country living in the past, when life was slower and things were simpler. Certainly, when I arrived in New Zealand as a precocious ten-year-old, in 2001, this seemed at least in part to be true.

In the months leading up to my family’s epic migration, I’d been rather worried that New Zealand wouldn’t have things like electricity. I’d half expected, when I arrived, to see a tribe of excited natives rubbing their bellies and pointing to a large pot. Of course, I quickly found this wasn’t the case, but I still felt like I’d stepped back in time, if only a little.

old-1299417_960_720Coronation Street was years behind for starters, and we had to wait ages for any good television shows to reach us. The latest gadgets were slow to come, but that was never a problem. The biggest blow for me was not being able to find anyone to play Pokémon with. I remember watching an interview with John Cleese: he said that the first time he visited New Zealand, in the 1960s, people hadn’t heard of the banana split!

When I returned to England for a holiday in 2008, seven years after I’d left, I was almost blown away by what I’d been missing out on. What where these newfangled self-service checkouts?! It wasn’t until a few months later that New Zealand started getting them.

New Zealand gets things a lot quicker now than it used to. It’s not just caught up to the rest of the world – in some ways it’s surpassed it. The Internet is to thank, I think. New Zealanders demand to have things, especially television shows, at the same time as the rest of the world these days, and if they’re not delivered, well, people will find other ways of obtaining them.

sword(The Internet also makes it easy to buy goods from overseas – and you can usually get the same goods far cheaper from overseas than you can in New Zealand, even including expensive delivery costs. It amazes me, for example, that I was able to order a Lord of the Rings sword for my dad’s 50th from England – and have it delivered to New Zealand – for less than a quarter of the cost of purchasing the same sword in New Zealand. And to think The Lord of the Rings was made in New Zealand!)

New Zealand actually gets some things before the rest of the world – Eftpos, for example. The country is often used as a guinea-pig market-wise, in part due to its isolated population. We were one of the first countries in the world to get Pokémon Go – something I never thought would happen! (It was released here a full week before it was released in the UK.)

Thinking more widely, New Zealand has often been ahead of the trend socially too. It used to be known as a ‘social laboratory’ – again, due to its small, contained population. Women were granted the right to vote in New Zealand way back in 1893. (For comparison, women weren’t granted full suffrage in the UK until 1928.) New Zealand was also ahead of its time in terms of its treatment of indigenous people.

road-151436_960_720So, to the question of whether New Zealand is backward, I’d have to say… not anymore. It’s caught up quickly in the last few years. In some ways, such as housing, it’s behind; in some ways it’s ahead. Some people still feel like they’ve travelled back in time when they come here, but that’s due, I think, to the tiny population and wide, open spaces New Zealand possesses. (New Zealanders are more relaxed when it comes to work-life balance too – just like in the old days.)

Friends on a New Zealand campervan hire tour were astounded to discover, for example, that the old country road they were driving on was, in fact, a highway. A pair of Canadian hitchhikers we picked up recently had the same reaction. We promised to drop them off in the centre of Hamilton. When we arrived, they said, “This is the city centre?!”

Hamilton is the fifth-largest city in New Zealand.

🙂

Our Street

A Street in New Zealand

I grew up in a small, brick house at the end of a terrace of small, brick houses at the end of a street of terraces of small, brick houses. It was kind of a dull street. Cramped too. Late-nineteenth century houses all jammed in shoulder-to-shoulder; cars parked nose-to-nose down both sides, reducing the road (and pavements) to a single lane.

Our StreetEach house had a garden at the front and a yard at the back, and each terrace had a shared drying green. The gardens were like pens, so claustrophobic as to be unusable – not that the views were any good anyway. We never even used our front door. The path up to it was slimy with moss, never receiving any sunlight.

Running parallel to the street was a railway line. Trains were always thundering past, dragging endless processions of coal. Our whole house would shake, the crack under the bay window widening ever-so-slightly each time. I quite liked the rumbling, though. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I missed it when we immigrated to New Zealand, but…

You always had to be careful when you walked up our street; constantly look down to avoid the broken glass, nettles and dog dirt. There was a lane at the end of the street that we all called Dog Dirt Alley. It was on our way to school. In winter, you could go ice-skating down it. What we called ice-skating anyway.

I’m probably making it sound like I grew up in a Dickens novel. It wasn’t that bad. It was bad compared to the street we ended up on in New Zealand; it seems bad looking back on it. At the time it was normal. I had a happy childhood. I can’t remember anything really bad. If the street was in any way dodgy, I was oblivious.

In 2001, we sold our house for £27,000 and headed to the airport. It was time to leave cramped, overcast England forever. I wasn’t happy about it. I was ten years old and I didn’t want to leave my life behind. I didn’t care that it was for the best. I didn’t care that New Zealand wasn’t cramped or overcast.

A Street in New Zealand

One of the first impressions I got of New Zealand was of lightness. This wasn’t just because it was sunny when we arrived, despite being winter. The whole country seemed to me to be airy and open. No oppressive buildings towering over me, blocking out the light. It makes sense: New Zealand is larger than England and has a population far, far smaller.

My dad had moved to New Zealand six months ahead of my mum, my sister and I. When we arrived, he was living in a rented house on a street that seemed, to my jetlagged mind, oddly idyllic. More American than English. The road was wide, as were the pavements. The pavements had generous strips of grass either side of them – and little or no dog dirt!

The houses were all single-storey and spread out as though lounging lazily in the amber light. They all had large gardens surrounding them. Our house was actually pretty crappy. Dad was renting it from the school he was working at. All the new teachers got ‘school houses’ until they could find houses of their own.

stove-575997_640Our house wasn’t the worst example of a Kiwi rental property, but it was, if the news is to be believed, fairly typical. It was cold and damp, especially my room. There was mould on the ceiling. The carpet was thin and hard. I couldn’t understand why the kitchen and lounge had such an unpleasant smell, until I heard the rats scampering in the roof cavity above.

Old Kiwi houses are generally poorly insulated; their only source of heating being a small wood-burning stove in the lounge. My sister and I had never seen a wood-burning stove before. The first thing my seven-year-old sister did upon arriving at the house was plonk herself down in front of the stove and let out a disappointed moan: “That’s a very small telly!”

Being from England, we were used to having radiators in every room of every house. Old Kiwi houses weren’t built with radiators. Maybe people thought they didn’t need them, which is rubbish, because although it’s not as cold as England, New Zealand still gets cold in winter. Maybe people thought, “She’ll be ’right; toughen up.” Ha. That’s more likely.

Luckily, we bought and moved into our own house very quickly. And because back in 2001 the exchange rate gave us $3 for every £1, we got a house far nicer than I’d ever allowed myself to dream we could live in. It was warm and dry. It had four bedrooms, including one with a walk-in wardrobe and an ensuite with a spa bath!

It had an enormous lounge with a stained-glass window, a spacious garden with a pergola, and a long deck that my bedroom actually opened onto. My bedroom was pretty massive too. We could never have had a house like it if we’d stayed in England. There was just so much space. So much light.

Our House in New Zealand

In 2014, I took my Kiwi boyfriend to see the street I grew up on. It was a lot dirtier than I remembered. The one pitiful patch of grass and trees at the end of the road – upon which I’d spent many hours of my childhood playing – had been paved over for extra parking. Many of the gardens were in disgrace; many of the houses had broken windows.

As for my old house, the grass looked like it hadn’t been mown since I was ten years old. One of the windows was boarded up. There was graffiti on the wall. The big, metal butterfly was still above our backdoor, but its wings were now made entirely of rust. My boyfriend suggested I knock on the door and ask to look around, but I was too scared.

Our House

It seemed unreal that I’d grown up somewhere so oppressive. So cramped. My boyfriend grew up in the New Zealand bush. At his family home, you can barely even see the neighbouring houses, let alone touch them. It’s surrounded by trees, and you can see down a luscious valley to a beach. When I think about how different our two childhoods were… It’s quite staggering, really.

No wonder Tim was rather adamant about finding a flat on the ground floor, with a garden. He hates being cooped up. Well we found one, and I think we were very lucky to find a rental property this nice. It was renovated only a few years ago, so it’s properly insulated with double-glazing and has a heat pump (that we hardly have to use.)

If you buy or rent a house in New Zealand, make sure it’s properly insulated. If the property is pre-2000, there are no guarantees. Thankfully, recent changes to tenancy law are forcing landlords to improve the insulation in their properties. This might mean a slight rent increase, but it needs to be done, and will mean less has to be spent on heating, and fewer people will get sick.

Howick Historical VillageSo anyway, Tim and I were very lucky. Tim actually didn’t think the street I grew up on in England was that bad. To him, all the late-nineteenth century houses – so common and mundane in England – seemed wonderfully old-fashioned. New Zealand still has some nineteenth century houses, but they’re different: colonial-style villas made of wood. (Poorly insulated, of course.)

But you move to New Zealand for the space – the light – not the buildings. Space is rapidly running out in Auckland; high-density residential areas are desperately needed there, but everyone’s come to expect a house with a garden. One of those lazily lounging houses that made such an impression on me when I first arrived in New Zealand…

To me, the wide, relaxed streets of New Zealand seem to reflect the Kiwi attitude to life. The ‘she’ll be ’right’ mindset. In contrast, the claustrophobic streets of England like the one I grew up on seem uptight; stressed out. It’s like you can breathe easier in New Zealand. I don’t know. I’m probably talking bollocks. Typing bollocks. Whatever.